Post by Aeron Smith on Oct 21, 2012 21:06:26 GMT -5
Churches were for people who actually wanted some higher power to care about them and give a damn about what they wanted in life. Aeron was not one of those people. Or maybe he was. Because he didn't just want something, he needed something. Or someone. But he wasn't actually sure that he should want them or need them or even deserve to have them in his life.
He shouldn't be praying. Mara knows that he probably doesn't deserve to ask her for things. He should probably be begging for Mara's forgiveness for...well...pretty much everything in his life since age 14. Yeah....That sounds about right. But he wasn't doing that. No. Aeron Smith was praying.
He was praying because he wanted, no he needed to be able to tell her. He didn't care if she felt the same way or not, because, in the end, he would never regret telling her and he would always regret not telling her. He knew he would probably get rejected, the girl was married after all, even if all of them knew something was up with her marriage and that she hadn't been back to her husband in so long that Aeron was fairly certain they weren't together. But he had to tell her. He loved her.
Mara, he had loved her since pretty much the day she was born. But it was a different love then and the love was different now. He loved her and he wanted to be with her but he wasn't quite certain that they should be together. Because if she didn't want that or him, and he had never gained many signs that she felt for him in that way, then he would rather she be without him and happy as can be than any other alternative.
He loved her. Aeron love May Robin.
He wasn't sure how or why or when, but he did. Maybe he always had, maybe it just grew or maybe it was born out of her absence, their respective marriages, and his longing for her to be back. How did he know that this love wasn't a selfish love anyways, that once (IF) he had her, he would never let her go, even if it was against her wishes or in detriment to her happiness or health? How did he know that they would be a good idea?
He didn't. Maybe he was a fool and all he had was a fool's hope. But maybe that would be enough.
'Dear Mara, I don't deserve her or really any sort of happiness associated with her. But please pull through just this once for me? If you've got any control over how people feel(and I hope you don't), you don't even have to let her love me back. Just let me tell her how I feel. Please.'
He shouldn't be praying. Mara knows that he probably doesn't deserve to ask her for things. He should probably be begging for Mara's forgiveness for...well...pretty much everything in his life since age 14. Yeah....That sounds about right. But he wasn't doing that. No. Aeron Smith was praying.
He was praying because he wanted, no he needed to be able to tell her. He didn't care if she felt the same way or not, because, in the end, he would never regret telling her and he would always regret not telling her. He knew he would probably get rejected, the girl was married after all, even if all of them knew something was up with her marriage and that she hadn't been back to her husband in so long that Aeron was fairly certain they weren't together. But he had to tell her. He loved her.
Mara, he had loved her since pretty much the day she was born. But it was a different love then and the love was different now. He loved her and he wanted to be with her but he wasn't quite certain that they should be together. Because if she didn't want that or him, and he had never gained many signs that she felt for him in that way, then he would rather she be without him and happy as can be than any other alternative.
He loved her. Aeron love May Robin.
He wasn't sure how or why or when, but he did. Maybe he always had, maybe it just grew or maybe it was born out of her absence, their respective marriages, and his longing for her to be back. How did he know that this love wasn't a selfish love anyways, that once (IF) he had her, he would never let her go, even if it was against her wishes or in detriment to her happiness or health? How did he know that they would be a good idea?
He didn't. Maybe he was a fool and all he had was a fool's hope. But maybe that would be enough.
'Dear Mara, I don't deserve her or really any sort of happiness associated with her. But please pull through just this once for me? If you've got any control over how people feel(and I hope you don't), you don't even have to let her love me back. Just let me tell her how I feel. Please.'
